By Kristy and Kristen
1. Tranquil Sounds Oxygen Bar, $299.99
This woman does not look tranquil, nor does she appear to be enjoying any sort of ‘bar’. Maybe someone should give her the polite tip that oxygen is available for free in our atmosphere, which is all around her. This product is also a great example of pseudo-scientific claims being used to sell products. Case in point “Work, stress, drinking and environmental factors deplete our oxygen and affect our health.” Absolute rubbish.
2. Wine and Liquor Accelerator, $59.99
If you were excited like me, you may have thought that this amazing product would do for 1 glass of wine what 2 glasses of wine can do (and half the calories!). Alas, this is just a crappy way to ‘age’ your wine. This product features “Neodymium (definitely made-up word) magnets”.
3. Tabletop Photo Studio, $79.99-$199.95
While on the one hand, I could see myself using this mini photo studio setup to photograph my all-black cat (very difficult to see against regular backdrops), this item is completely unnecessary and ridiculous. Items you should use instead: white sheet, lightbulb. Money saved: $79.99-$199.95
5. World’s Largest Write-on Map, $149.95
No, this is not from the SkyMall section for teachers or travel agents. This is in the Gifts section. It is a 9 x 13 mural-like map to hang on your wall. I can assure you that anyone receiving this gift would much prefer to receive instead the full $149.95 in cash. And just what exactly are people writing across this map? Guesses on where to find Eritrea? I’m sure memories of a trip to Hawaii could not fit on the island, even with this over-sized map. Useless.
6. Body Contour Derriere Booster, $74.99
In the Intimate Apparel section, this elastic body suit is basically ass-less spanx chaps. Surprise your lover with this sexy beige mess that brags “comfortable crotch opening” and “controls back fat.”
7. Cosmetic Teeth, $39.98
Sure, there is a whole medical profession dedicated to fixing your teeth, but getting your new molars from Sky Mall makes sense. Fitting can be “done, by yourself, at home.”
8. Peephole Door Camera Spy, $99.95
“We all have those few people in our lives that always irritate us and try to visit us… whether it be a stalker, annoying friend, or shady looking stranger.” Wow. If you have so many creepy people lurking around your house, why not just move, call the cops, or buy a gun?
9. Never Give Up Necklace, $36.95
If you need a pendant that reminds you, not once, but three times to “never never never give up,” I think it is about time that you did. Instead of projecting your pain to the world, use that money to get some help.
(Picked by both of us)
10. Cat Toilet Training System, $49.99
Nothing says “my bathroom is clean” to your guests like finding a little cat turd floating in the bowl. Even if one does wish to toilet train their feline friend, I’m sure the items to do so can be found around the house. Case in point: http://www.wikihow.com/Toilet-Train-Your-Cat